How many times have you had the feeling that you should fix something but you haven’t taken enough initiative? How many times have you thought you have to change things in your life but you have just put those thoughts to the back of your mind and continued as usual? I’m ashamed to say that it has happened to me more often than I’d like to admit.
We are all guilty of not facing difficult decisions some times. It is easier to push things under the carpet than to deal with them immediately. Or so it seems at the time. The longer we put off things the greater disaster awaits us later. We are silly to learn our lessons by waiting for the disaster rather than by acting. We happily digg ourselves deeper into the dirt. Sometimes I see people burying themselves so deep that it is impossible to get back out to the sun light, ever. It is both sad and unnecessary.
All areas of life are vulnerable to lack of attention. The universe is naturally inclined to collapsing rather than fixing itself. If we don’t keep cutting back the trees every day the forest will take over. We should be aware of everything around us and keep nurturing, nourishing and tidying up everything that is important to us, every day.
I hit a wall at work yesterday. It was a wall that I knew was there all along, but I had consistently decided to ignore it, pretend it doesn’t exist. I looked elsewhere. I painted it white so I could not see it. I was told about the wall two weeks ago. I was shocked, but deep down I knew I should have known how bad the wall was. After I had seen it, I still kept taking other routes, different corridors, until yesterday I could no longer ignore its presence. I hit it, and I hit it hard.
I always blame myself on everything that happens in my life. I don’t believe in blaming others no matter how attractive it might seem. If you trace down long enough you will find out you could have influenced the outcome. Therefore I have decided to pick up the pieces before it is too late. I wrote the bad feelings and anxiety off my head and stomach (yes, I store them in my there) to my notebook before going to bed last night. I listed all the lies that I had been telling myself about myself. Nothing works better on anxiety than beating yourself up!
Today I’m feeling more constructive and decided to do a Reality Check on all important areas of my life. Here it is, in order of importance:
Am I happy? Do I need to be happy? Can I stick through the moments when I feel anxious and angry? I think it is good to be at least a little bit happy every day because I get much more done, I stay healthier and it is generally more pleasant to be around me. However, what is more important, I believe, is that I can deal with anxiety and disappointment, fear and sadness, and other inevitable negative feelings that are part of one’s life. Our reflex is to escape negative feelings but I know the only way forward is to deal with them. I just practiced this and 24 hours later I know it made me stronger. Still, I give myself only *** out of *****.
Am I aware of my partners needs and is he aware of mine? Do we have enough time together and do we get to talk about everything and have fun together? Thanks to our Annual Board Meeting (please see earlier post ‘Divorce and learn‘ about this) we are very good. I give myself **** (I’m being modest ;))
Do I spend enough time with my kids? Am I truly aware of their emotional needs? I guess every mother (unless already 100% obsessive) thinks they should spend more time with their kids. I think I spend quite a bit of time with them. I try to respond actively to what is going on. I’m firm and confident about my choice to also work. I don’t feel bad or guilty because I also want to spend time on other areas, therefore I’m not expecting myself to spend 100% of my time with them. I give myself **** out of *****.
Do I listen to my body in terms of nutrition and sleep? Yes. Have I cut all added sugar, white wheat and e-numbers out of my diet. Yes. (there may be an e-number of two lurking around but it is almost impossible to get rid of them all). Am I mixing some funny green algie stuff in my morning drink..? Oh yes! Am I getting up at 5 am to run 5k three times a week? … errr, not often enough! I’m going to give **** out of ***** here. Pretty good.
5) Business (Even though for me business is extremely important part of my life, I know I could not do this with my full attention if no 1 – 4 would not be in good shape.)
Have I done what has to be done? Really? Have I spent my time most effectively in the past two years? Have I been visionary? Have I achieved what I wanted? Did I know what I want? Is it my fault if I didn’t? I believe strongly that we get exactly what we are entitled to and we don’t rise to the next level until we are ready. I’m going to be really hard on myself here and give myself only ** out of *****. It may look pretty but looking good is nothing to be proud of.
Am I spending time with the friends that matter? Am I adding value to my friends lives? Am I reducing the hours of miserable people around me and increasing the hours of people who bring good energy, encouragement and new ideas? Am I making new interesting friendships? Yes. I’m giving myself **** out of ******.
7) Giving back
Have I engaged in any activity that could help other people? Have I been moved by adding meaning to someone’s life who has less than I have? Have I stick my hand up to say, I have time for you? I want to help? Errr… I must be able to do more! The good news is, the whole idea of DrivenWoman is to help others to achieve what they want to achieve. Not necessarily through what I have personally, but by connecting women with similar needs and worries, and providing the framework. And yes, I have had some small little successes lately on that front. One must celebrate even the small little steps, anything that is a positive step forward. Therefore I’m going to give myself *** out of *****.
Have you hit a wall lately? Did you hide your inner knowledge from yourself? Did you get yourself into real trouble? How did you come out? We would love to hear your stories as they might help other women in a similar situation.