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Yesterday at lunch we were discussing how people are trying to steal our time, attention and energy with negativity. The worst still, they will try to put us down. It happens to everybody, men and women, but often it seems that women are less likely to put their foot down or walk away.

I noticed that over the past seven years I have effectively managed to clean my life out of any negative people. Sure there is always random negativity or people around me might be on a bad mood (which is fundamentally different issue), but there is no negativity that would steal my time or affect me on a daily basis. I have deleted super-negative people completely and massively reduced time with medium-suckers. I have learned to say ‘no’. And I have no plans to change this principle any time soon.

Whether private  or business, there is no need to deal with constantly negative people long term. There are enough people on this planet who can create opportunities through positive thinking. You are the one who defines the rules you are going to play by.

So you’ve tried the insect repellent and it didn’t work. Now here’s a quick guide for getting rid of (or minimising the effect of) the suckers in your life.

1. Identify

Who are these people? Stop for a moment and identify everyone who brings negativity into your life. This is difficult as it isn’t fun to identify some of your loved ones. However, life is not so black and white, we can all be miserable suckers sometimes. Just because someone is on a bad mood occasionally or is going through a rough patch doesn’t mean you should put them into the dog house. Try to separate between fundamentally bad elements (those who run on negative energy!), those who for what ever reason have chosen you as their outlet of negativity and those who are just occasionally bad tempered.

2. Accept

You have to accept that you will never win the argument with people who are driven by greed, jealousy and negativity. Their self-worth will always depend on putting everyone else down and you can’t change that. Ever. So stop wasting your time and energy. Now.

3. Define your own outcome

It is likely that we all have to deal with negativity at times. If there are people in your life who run on bad fuel try to understand what they want from you and what you want from them. It is good to limit the amount of energy and time you let them suck out of you to a minimum and be clear what is the outcome you want from the situations.

4. Understand your reactions

Next time you meet with your daily energy sucker, try to observe yourself and your reactions. What is it that gets them going? How do you react? Where do they get you sucked in? Why do you keep throwing fuel onto the negative flames? Write down what happened, how you reacted and what set you off. Try to identify the triggers.

5. Say ‘no’

Next time you find yourself in the same negative situation try to keep your head calm and your life priorities clear. How do you want to feel everyday? How do you want to live your life? People running on negative fuel most likely want you to end up exactly the opposite. Now remember the triggers you identified last time and try not to get sucked in, just walk away. Remember, you can’t change them, the best you can do is to tolerate them and minimise the negative effects to yourself!

We all have experienced different levels of negativity in our lives. Do you have a story that would help others to deal with the suckers around us? Please comment and share!

~ Miisa

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